Broken Music by Marjorie Eccles
A Mystery....a new author to me and one I enjoyed tremendously. I definitely will be looking for her other works. Enjoyed to the last page!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
The Road Less Travelled
This homework from my therapist and the following statements, excerpts are for me to be able to look back and re-read if wanted. Don't want to buy this book. According to my therapist, this is his best book, has written several. He is M.Scott Peck MD
Life is difficult. Once we truly know life is difficult, once we truly understand and accept it, then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult, no longer matters. ((I am having difficulty with that statement!))
Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has meaning.
What are these tools, these techniques of suffering, these means of experiencing the pain of problems constructively that I call discipline. There are four: delaying of gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balancing. The problem lies not in the complexity of these tools, but the will to use them.
Yet more important than role modeling is love. When we love something, it is of value to us, and when we value something, we spend time with it. Good discipline requires time. The feeling of being valuable is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self discipline. When one considers oneself valuable, one will take care of oneself in all ways that are necessary.
Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit. We must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it.
The neurotic assumes too much responsibility; the person with a character disorder not enough. When neurotics are in conflict they assume they are at fault. The character disorder person assumes the world is at fault. Neurotics make themselves miserable; those with character disorders make everyone else miserable.
It is only through a vast amount of experience and a lengthy and successful maturation that we gain the capacity to see the world and our place in it realistically, and thus are enabled to realistically assess our responsibility for ourselves and our world.
Lying can be divided into two types; white and black. A black lie is a statement we make that we know is false. A white lie is a statement that is not in itself false, but that leaves out a significant part of the truth. The fact that a lie is white does not in itself make it any less of a lie or any more excusable. The more honest one is, the easier it is to continue being honest, just as the more lies one has told, the more necessary it is to lie again.
We are incapable of loving another unless we love ourselves. We cannot be a source of strength unless we nurture our own strength.
No matter whom we fall "in love" with, we sooner or later fall "out" of love, if the relationship continues long enough. This is not to say we invariably cease loving the person with whom we fell in love. But it is to say the feeling of estatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling love always passes. The honeymoon always ends. The bloom of romance always fades. Real love often occurs in a context in which the feeling of love is lacking, when we act lovingly despite the fact we don't feel loving. Love is not a dependency. When you require another individual for your survival , you are a parasite to that individual. There is no choice, no freedom involved in your relationship. It's a matter of necessity rather than love. Love is free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other. If being loved is your only goal, you will fail to achieve it. The only way to be assured of being loved is to be a person worthy of love. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love, this person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present.
The principal form that the work of love takes is attention. Having to beg for attention won't make a person feel valuable.
The need for one's parents to listen is never outgrown. While it is true one's capacity to truly listen may improve with practice, it never becomes an effortless process.
People handle their fear of change in different ways but the fear is inescapable if they are in fact to change. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is acting in spite of fear.
GRACE---It is hardly remarkable that we sicken and die, what is truly remarkable is that we don't sicken often and we don't die very quickly. It is a major thesis of this section that grace, manifested in part by "valuable or agreeable thing not sought for" is available to everyone, but that while some take advantage of it, others do not. A powerful force originating outside of human consciousness which nurtures spiritual growth of human beings. This force has been consistently recognized by religions who have applied to it the name of grace. Goodness of God is ever whole. Love is conscious, grace is not. Many are called, few are chosen...(his interpretation of that statement is as follows) all are called to and by grace but few choose to listen to the call.
To be aware of grace, to personally experience its constant presence, to know one's nearness to God, is to know and continually experience an inner tranquility and peace few possess. This knowledge and awareness brings with it enormous responsibility...to experience the obligation to be the agent of His power and Love.
For the existence of this force (once we perceive it) indicates with incontrovertible certainty that our human spiritual growth is of utmost importance to something(one) greater than ourselves.
Whew!! that is a long post!! I did get through it this time before it went to "save" as I have not figured out how to edit posts!!
Life is difficult. Once we truly know life is difficult, once we truly understand and accept it, then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult, no longer matters. ((I am having difficulty with that statement!))
Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has meaning.
What are these tools, these techniques of suffering, these means of experiencing the pain of problems constructively that I call discipline. There are four: delaying of gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balancing. The problem lies not in the complexity of these tools, but the will to use them.
Yet more important than role modeling is love. When we love something, it is of value to us, and when we value something, we spend time with it. Good discipline requires time. The feeling of being valuable is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self discipline. When one considers oneself valuable, one will take care of oneself in all ways that are necessary.
Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit. We must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it.
The neurotic assumes too much responsibility; the person with a character disorder not enough. When neurotics are in conflict they assume they are at fault. The character disorder person assumes the world is at fault. Neurotics make themselves miserable; those with character disorders make everyone else miserable.
It is only through a vast amount of experience and a lengthy and successful maturation that we gain the capacity to see the world and our place in it realistically, and thus are enabled to realistically assess our responsibility for ourselves and our world.
Lying can be divided into two types; white and black. A black lie is a statement we make that we know is false. A white lie is a statement that is not in itself false, but that leaves out a significant part of the truth. The fact that a lie is white does not in itself make it any less of a lie or any more excusable. The more honest one is, the easier it is to continue being honest, just as the more lies one has told, the more necessary it is to lie again.
We are incapable of loving another unless we love ourselves. We cannot be a source of strength unless we nurture our own strength.
No matter whom we fall "in love" with, we sooner or later fall "out" of love, if the relationship continues long enough. This is not to say we invariably cease loving the person with whom we fell in love. But it is to say the feeling of estatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling love always passes. The honeymoon always ends. The bloom of romance always fades. Real love often occurs in a context in which the feeling of love is lacking, when we act lovingly despite the fact we don't feel loving. Love is not a dependency. When you require another individual for your survival , you are a parasite to that individual. There is no choice, no freedom involved in your relationship. It's a matter of necessity rather than love. Love is free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other. If being loved is your only goal, you will fail to achieve it. The only way to be assured of being loved is to be a person worthy of love. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love, this person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present.
The principal form that the work of love takes is attention. Having to beg for attention won't make a person feel valuable.
The need for one's parents to listen is never outgrown. While it is true one's capacity to truly listen may improve with practice, it never becomes an effortless process.
People handle their fear of change in different ways but the fear is inescapable if they are in fact to change. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is acting in spite of fear.
GRACE---It is hardly remarkable that we sicken and die, what is truly remarkable is that we don't sicken often and we don't die very quickly. It is a major thesis of this section that grace, manifested in part by "valuable or agreeable thing not sought for" is available to everyone, but that while some take advantage of it, others do not. A powerful force originating outside of human consciousness which nurtures spiritual growth of human beings. This force has been consistently recognized by religions who have applied to it the name of grace. Goodness of God is ever whole. Love is conscious, grace is not. Many are called, few are chosen...(his interpretation of that statement is as follows) all are called to and by grace but few choose to listen to the call.
To be aware of grace, to personally experience its constant presence, to know one's nearness to God, is to know and continually experience an inner tranquility and peace few possess. This knowledge and awareness brings with it enormous responsibility...to experience the obligation to be the agent of His power and Love.
For the existence of this force (once we perceive it) indicates with incontrovertible certainty that our human spiritual growth is of utmost importance to something(one) greater than ourselves.
Whew!! that is a long post!! I did get through it this time before it went to "save" as I have not figured out how to edit posts!!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
An easy read
Fern Michaels....Return to Sender
One of those for entertainment only books....won't need to re-read this.
One of those for entertainment only books....won't need to re-read this.
Have done it again!!
I really feel stupid when I read a book and don't realize I have already read it until the end!!
Dreams of the Dead by Perri O'Shaughnessy is one that I have read twice and the second time, enjoyed the book until the end and had the "duh" moment of "wait, I have already read this! I remember this ending!"
Oh well! Guess that means it is a good enough book to read twice!! Especially for people like me with the senior moments going on!
Dreams of the Dead by Perri O'Shaughnessy is one that I have read twice and the second time, enjoyed the book until the end and had the "duh" moment of "wait, I have already read this! I remember this ending!"
Oh well! Guess that means it is a good enough book to read twice!! Especially for people like me with the senior moments going on!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Judge Judy Sheindlin.....every girl should
I just finished Judge Judy's book Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever. Good good read! Every pre-teen girl should read this book!! I don't agree with every thing but she does make a lot of sense. She also made me laugh out loud. My co-workers wanted me to share what I was enjoying so very much. One of the "nuggets" of wisdom, not humor, is If your relationship isn't working and you are considering a break-up, stay realistic about that too.
You have to say, "I'll be happier alone." Be sure that is what you are thinking, not "I'll be happier with someone else." If you're truly unhappy, you'd better hope you have the self-confidence and resources to go out on your own. You need a spirit of self-esteem. If your grievance is that your mate isn't as wonderful as another man might be, you're running on the same treadmill."
You will have to read the book yourself to find the humor!! My sense of humor is a little twisted so won't post what I find hilarious.....trust me, there is a lot of humor in this book!
You have to say, "I'll be happier alone." Be sure that is what you are thinking, not "I'll be happier with someone else." If you're truly unhappy, you'd better hope you have the self-confidence and resources to go out on your own. You need a spirit of self-esteem. If your grievance is that your mate isn't as wonderful as another man might be, you're running on the same treadmill."
You will have to read the book yourself to find the humor!! My sense of humor is a little twisted so won't post what I find hilarious.....trust me, there is a lot of humor in this book!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Death in Teheran (From Viktor Frankl 's book)
This is the last story from that book! I promise!
Death is Teheran
A rich and mighty Persian walked in his garden with a servant. The servant cried that he had just encountered Death, who had threatened him. He begged his master to give him his fastest horse so that he could make haste and flee to Teheran, which he could reach that same evening. The master consented and the servant galloped off on the horse. On returning to his house, the master himself met Death, and questioned him, "Why did you terrify and threaten my servant?" "I did not threaten him; I only showed surprise in still finding him here when I planned to meet him tonight in Teheran," said Death.
Think about this one!!!
Death is Teheran
A rich and mighty Persian walked in his garden with a servant. The servant cried that he had just encountered Death, who had threatened him. He begged his master to give him his fastest horse so that he could make haste and flee to Teheran, which he could reach that same evening. The master consented and the servant galloped off on the horse. On returning to his house, the master himself met Death, and questioned him, "Why did you terrify and threaten my servant?" "I did not threaten him; I only showed surprise in still finding him here when I planned to meet him tonight in Teheran," said Death.
Think about this one!!!
Finished the Viktor Frankel book!
I will not "read" the whole book onto my blog but it is such a great book! So I want to save some of the more meaningful (to me) statements.. We have a tendency to look into the past to help make the present bearable. in robbing the present of reality, it becomes easy to overlook opportunities to make something positive. It is a pecularity of man that he can only live looking to the future. This is his salvation in the most difficult moments, although he sometimes has to force his mind to the task. ((Remember this author is a survivor of the concentration camps)).
He who has a "why" to live for can bear with almost any "how".
It doesn't really matter what we expect from life but rather what life expects from us.
What you have experienced, no power on earth can take from you. Having been is also a kind of being, perhaps the surest kind.
There are two races of men, the race of the decent and the race of the indecent.
No one has the right to do wrong, even if wrong has been done to them.
Mental health is based on certain degree of tension, the tension between what one has already achieved and what one still ought to accomplish (the gap between what one is and what one should become).
Boredom causes more problems to solve than distress!
The meaning of life...differs from man to man, from day to day, and from hour to hour. Everyone's task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it. Each person decides whether he should interpret his life task as being responsible to society or to his own conscience.
We can discover the meaning of life in 3 different ways (1) by creating work or doing a deed (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering. The second way of finding meaning in life is by experiencing something-such as goodness, truth, beauty-by experiencing nature and culture or, last but not least, by experiencing another human being in his very uniqueness--by loving him. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him.
(3) We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. It is man's main concern not to gain pleasure or to avoid pain but rather see a meaning in his life.
Some of the people who nowadays call on a psychiatrist would have seen a pastor, priest or rabbi in former days.
"That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast."
After all, man is that being who invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz; however, he is also that being who entered those gas chambers upright, with the Lord's Prayer or the Shema Yisrael on his lips.
Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.
As to the causation of the feeling of meaninglessness, one may say, that people have enough to live by but nothing to live for; they have the means but no meaning. "Unemployment neurosis"..being jobless was equated with being useless, and being useless was equated with having a meaningless life. So people should fill their free time with some sort of unpaid but meaningful activity. The truth is that man does not live by welfare alone.
The perception of meaning more specifically boils down to becoming aware of what can be done about a given situation. If one cannot change a situation that causes his suffering, he can still CHOOSE his ATTITUDE.
Society blurs the decisive difference between being valuable in the sense of dignity and being valuable in the sense of usefulness. If one is not cognizant of this difference and holds that an individual's value stems only from his present usefulness, then, believe me, one owes it only to personal inconsistency not to plead for euthanasia along the lines of Hitler's program.
The book ends with the following paragraph:
You may be prone to blame me for invoking examples that are the exceptions to the rule. (Everything great is just as difficult to realize as it is rare to find). Saints or just decent people are in the minority. They will always remain a minority. And yet I see therein the very challenge o join the minority. For the world is in a bad state, but everything will become still worse unless each of us does his best.
So, let us be alert--alert in a twofold sense:
Since Auschwitz we know what man is capable of.
And since Hiroshima we know what is at stake.
He who has a "why" to live for can bear with almost any "how".
It doesn't really matter what we expect from life but rather what life expects from us.
What you have experienced, no power on earth can take from you. Having been is also a kind of being, perhaps the surest kind.
There are two races of men, the race of the decent and the race of the indecent.
No one has the right to do wrong, even if wrong has been done to them.
Mental health is based on certain degree of tension, the tension between what one has already achieved and what one still ought to accomplish (the gap between what one is and what one should become).
Boredom causes more problems to solve than distress!
The meaning of life...differs from man to man, from day to day, and from hour to hour. Everyone's task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it. Each person decides whether he should interpret his life task as being responsible to society or to his own conscience.
We can discover the meaning of life in 3 different ways (1) by creating work or doing a deed (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering. The second way of finding meaning in life is by experiencing something-such as goodness, truth, beauty-by experiencing nature and culture or, last but not least, by experiencing another human being in his very uniqueness--by loving him. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him.
(3) We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. It is man's main concern not to gain pleasure or to avoid pain but rather see a meaning in his life.
Some of the people who nowadays call on a psychiatrist would have seen a pastor, priest or rabbi in former days.
"That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast."
After all, man is that being who invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz; however, he is also that being who entered those gas chambers upright, with the Lord's Prayer or the Shema Yisrael on his lips.
Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.
As to the causation of the feeling of meaninglessness, one may say, that people have enough to live by but nothing to live for; they have the means but no meaning. "Unemployment neurosis"..being jobless was equated with being useless, and being useless was equated with having a meaningless life. So people should fill their free time with some sort of unpaid but meaningful activity. The truth is that man does not live by welfare alone.
The perception of meaning more specifically boils down to becoming aware of what can be done about a given situation. If one cannot change a situation that causes his suffering, he can still CHOOSE his ATTITUDE.
Society blurs the decisive difference between being valuable in the sense of dignity and being valuable in the sense of usefulness. If one is not cognizant of this difference and holds that an individual's value stems only from his present usefulness, then, believe me, one owes it only to personal inconsistency not to plead for euthanasia along the lines of Hitler's program.
The book ends with the following paragraph:
You may be prone to blame me for invoking examples that are the exceptions to the rule. (Everything great is just as difficult to realize as it is rare to find). Saints or just decent people are in the minority. They will always remain a minority. And yet I see therein the very challenge o join the minority. For the world is in a bad state, but everything will become still worse unless each of us does his best.
So, let us be alert--alert in a twofold sense:
Since Auschwitz we know what man is capable of.
And since Hiroshima we know what is at stake.
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